Too small

I knew the day would come when my lap would be too small for my boy to sit in. I didn't know it would be so soon.

Zachary is now three, knows his mind, and has his own *strong* opinions. He is 40 inches tall, and loves to show off his Samson-like strength. It is thrilling to watch him grow and develop into the big boy that he is. But it's heartbreaking, too, because the past three years have gone more quickly than I could have imagined.

I've been working more than normal recently, so Zachary and I often grab whatever sweet moments together that we can. The other morning, he woke up at 4:30, asking to rock with me. Since this request now comes as often as Hailey's Comet, I seized the chance to drowsily rock with my all-arms-and-legs little dude.

As we rocked in the wee hours of the morning, listening to the birds usher in the day with their chirp-talk, I realized, "Zachary isn't really sitting in my lap." Rather, he was sitting beside me, because he had started sliding off my lap. It's too small. So, with that realization, I began mourning the passing of the "littleness" in my life. Zachary is now "big."

As much as I celebrate his growth and development, a little bit of my heart is broken. I know he's still little comparatively, but somewhere along the line, we passed that baton on to other friends who have had kids since he was born. So, I wipe away the tears of sadness, and brighten up, smile, and ask Zachary to show me how he can climb that baseball backstop. We have much to look forward to, but I secretly hope he asks to rock at least one more time.

Reflections

I am sitting on the deck with Adam, enjoying a beautiful spring day in Chicago. It's about 70 degrees, blue skies, and no humidity. Kind of like Seattle in July. Kicking my feet back, I am reflecting on the past three years and the changes that we have seen in our family in that short period of time.

Zachary turned three this past Wednesday. And, as every other mother I know, I spent much of the day reminiscing about the day my sweet baby was born. Looking through pictures, I realize just how little he was. Duh, right? We loved our "little sack of sugar" and have loved seeing him grow and change through all of the developmental stages.

Three weeks ago, on April 9, he went to bed without his binky. We seized on the opportunity to break him of the habit. While it hasn't been the easiest transition (according to him, it was an accidental occurence and he begged for it the next day), his future orthodontist will thank us for it. Or maybe, because we jumped on it, his orthodontist will not thank us for it, because he won't have as much work to bill.

Then, last Saturday, May 2, we went cold turkey to big boy underwear. Okay, not completely. His bed thanks us for that. But, for a week, during his waking hours Zachary has only worn underwear. And while that has been another big transition, he's weathering it well. Some days are better than others.

With all of these big boy changes, Z has begun presenting us with some challenges. Who sets the rules? One little three year-old I know would like to think he does. I hear this is a phase. Perhaps lasting another 15 years or so.

Each day I look at the boy in front of me and wonder how we so quickly went from "sack of sugar" to "tall drink of water with a little spice." I pray continually that God will give me the wisdom to guide him as he grows into a little man; and that as he grows, Zachary will learn what matters most in life through our actions.