Ice driving is not for the faint-hearted

This one thing I know: I'm a ninny. A wimp. Totally faint of heart. When it comes to certain things. Flying is one, driving in icy conditions is another. Most other things I can make it through without the heart palpitations, sweaty palms, and concrete creeping through the muscles in my neck and shoulders.

This west coast gal is not used to ice-driving. Yet, this morning, I had a great adventure. This is how it went in my mind:

"This is crazy. Why would anyone drive in this weather?"

"Hmmm...that stoplight turned yellow. Better keep going and not brake. I said, DON'T BRAKE. Why is my foot not listening?"

When I come to rest in the middle of the intersection (thankfully with no other cars around), the inner dialogue continues:

"Should I really be driving in this? Why are so many people crazy enough to be driving on sheets of ice?"

As I drive past a car that has freshly spun out, off the road, into a ditch, taking out traffic signs, I continue:

"Why am I driving right now????"

When I arrive at my destination, I throw my hands up and let out a Zachary-like, "I did it!!"--in my mind.

Thankfully, the drive home was almost boring compared to the drive to my destinatination. A few lessons came fresh to my mind once this adventure had come full circle.

First, God doesn't give us the spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind. As I focused solely on what I was doing, I did not fear going off the road. Instead, I felt confident in the journey.

Second, I realized that it's when my mind wanders--and I allow myself to be distracted--that those things I fear take over my thoughts and concerns and I don't find rest or peace in my mind or my heart.

Third, I am reminded that while I like to pretend I have control over certain things in my life, just like driving on ice, nothing is guaranteed. I may see an illusion of control, but underneath those tires, things are still a little slick, and could change in an instant.

So, while I'm faint-hearted about some things, I will continue to remind myself of the refresher course I had today. And, I'll be honest, I plan to stay home for the rest of the day.

Happy Ganksmiving, Ice Cream Saturday, and More

I wish I could be more consistent with these posts--there is so much to share in just a little space. I blame the holidays for my lack of consistency. Perhaps in January, we will be snowed in too many days in a row to ignore journaling our latest happenings. Here is a short snippet of things on our minds these days:

-"Happy Ganksmiving"--Zachary couldn't quite get Thanksgiving out of his mouth in the right fashion, so he spent the day wishing everyone...well, what I just wrote. He was very sincere, and it was super cute, but required much translation when he was talking on the phone with grandmas and grandpas. We spent the day at home, just the three of us. We had a nice meal for lunch, cleaned up, and were all in bed for a long nap by 1:00. That's my kind of day off!

-Ice Cream Saturday--Somehow, Saturdays have become a dessert tradition for our family. After dinner each Saturday night, we all have a scoop of Edy's (Dreyer's for my west coast friends) Berry Sherbet in a cone. Yum! This has become something we all look forward to each week, talking and goofing off around the kitchen table together over a yummy treat.

-Before bed each night, Zachary loves to read a story, rock, and sing songs together. The two songs that are "must-sings" are Rock-a-bye Baby and Jesus Loves Me. Recently, Adam has hung out in Z's room while we sing together. It's become a collage of sweet moments for my heart to remember, all three of us singing those songs together. I know in a not-so-distant future, he will be too big for such nonsense.

-I have hit upon two "musts" for myself recently. Besides my absolute addiction to Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte, I also have discovered a terrible addiction to Facebook and to Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Peppermint Joe Joe's cookies. Indulgent, but oh so good.

Christmas is right around the corner (gasp!), so here are a few pix from our decorating adventures:

Just a simple afternoon project for Zachary

Decorating Zachary's tree
All done, time to pose for the paparazzi

Hmmmm how many jingle bells will fit on this garland?

Truck-or-treat fun

Okay, so I am behind and just trying my derndest to get caught up. Following are pictures from Zachary "Truck-or-treating" on the first Halloween that he truly "got."

With Mommy at her old office at Wheaton College

"Hey Sean, try a sucker, they're AWESOME!"

"Uh, Mom? I thought you said we were going to see Avery and Romey."

With neighbors Tunde and Sade, our neighbors

"Mom, I found a fire hydrant!"

"Check out my haul!"

Favorite Zacharyisms

Zachary's verbal abilities have exploded in the past couple of months. Because of that, he's come up with some pretty funny things that I just have to write down. If I don't, I will forget, and that would be a shame. So, here they are:

-Talking to Adam about the leaves that have fallen off of the trees: "Need to buy some more leafs at Target."

-In response to pretty much any question: "Um, no, I fink so" (which, in Bob the Builder world is, "Uh, yes, I think so")

-When given something (like milk, snack, food, you get the idea): "Fank you, welcome."

-Inquiry: "Where's the old stove?" "Backing up." (in the truck that hauled it away)

-General food statement: "It's yucky...IT'S YUMMY"

-When taking off his jammies because they were wet and dirty: "Need to buy some more jammies at Target." (Do you see a theme here?)

-When something is broken (including crackers): "Need-a tape."

-Overheard singing: "Yes, Jesus loves juice, the Bible tells me so."

Us out "truck-or-treating"

The house of croup

It's been entirely too long since I've posted. So much has happened, and Zachary has developed in so many ways, that I will have to do a more in-depth post at another time.

Suffice it to say, it's been quite an adventuresome couple of weeks for our normally very average household.

It all began when our washer quit working. We may as well have unplugged it, we were getting such a great response from it. So, I called the Matag repairman. After learning that the cost of the repair would not have been worth it, we began the long, arduous task of researching replacement options. My train of thought turned into this: Well, we were told a couple of months ago that our dryer would also need a repair costing another couple hundred bucks, and on top of that, the stove is starting to smell a little too strongly of gas (which felt slightly dangerous to me), and we were told a few years ago that to fix it, we'd have to shell out another couple hundred bucks so...what the heck! Let's just buy three new appliances at once! Very pragmatic, don't you think?

In the midst of this, Zachary woke up a few days later with Croup. So, evidently, our appliances must have passed the bug along to our sweet little boy. Poor child could not sleep a wink for almost a week. Okay, he could sleep a wink, but it really felt like only a wink for five days.

We have now made it through the craziness. Our new stove is already in use, and the laundry appliances are on order.

Zachary has offered us many laughs in the midst of the sleepless nights and slight stress. Consider the following exchange during a recent nightly bath:

Zachary, beginning his nightly fishing game, looks up and says, "Where's Dad?"
I reply, "He went downstairs, he'll be right back."
To which he responds, "ADAM, ADAM, ADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!"
Upon returning, Adam says, "What's my name, Zachary?"
"Dad"
"What's my other name?"
"Adam"
So, I decide to jump in the mix, "What's my name, Zachary?"
"GRANDPA!"
We'll try again another day.

It's so hard to say good-bye...

At 2 1/2, Zachary has already had to say good-bye to a few good friends because of family moves for jobs. He doesn't really understand it all at this young age, but I am sure one day he will be acutely aware when a friend moves away. Recently, he had to say good-bye to one of his best buddies, Evan. His family moved to the northeast, and Zachary is left here asking for EvAAAAAAAAAn every other day. I'm so sad for Z, because he and Evan played so well together and had a blast laughing (almost) uncontrollably at the silliest things: driving toy cars on each other's arms, watching a ball bounce in a funny way, or trying to "pass" a balloon in the air. They loved playing trains, going to school, and making a serious mess of whoever's house happened to be in the way of these two boys.

We will miss Evan and his family terribly, but do wish them the best in their transition home. Below are a few pictures of the two buddies.

This is only appropriate at age two

Zachary playing with Baby Colin, Evan's brother

Isn't he the cutest?

Taking a break from the train table to mug for the camera

Little did they know, this would be their last playgroup together

Oh ye of little faith...

I often hear from a few Doubting Thomases that there is absolutely no way that my house is ever messy (usually friends and family who visit after a good house-cleaning). Well, obviously, that is not the case--we do have a 2 1/2 year-old boy! Anyway, I felt the need to offer some evidence to the contrary. I took these photos after we hosted a playgroup of 6 toddlers (including Zachary) and 5 crawlers. It was a ton of fun, as you might be able to see in the following pictures.

Potty training in public places

Zachary has become very adept at going potty on the "big boy potty seat"; he's just taken to refusing to go at home, unless it is just before bathtime at night. I tell you this only to help you understand my newest dillema: public toilets. Specifically, Zachary is only interested in going to the bathroom if we're in public.

So, picture this: we're at Starbucks this morning. I'm halfway through my Pumpkin Latte, Zachary is chowing on his donut. A man passes our table and enters the men's room. Zachary jumps off his chair and shouts "Zarachary go POTTY!!" and runs to the bathroom. I grab my diaper bag and try to catch up with him quickly without knocking over our entire table and making a further scene.

So--as with every other public bathroom experience thus far--this is how the potty time goes: 1)take off the shoes, so I can 2) take off the pants, so I can 3) take off the diaper, so we can 4) put a toilet protector on the seat--at this point, Zachary, in just socks and a shirt, runs over to the garbage can, and sticks his hands right in--I catch him, then get him on the toilet. He goes, SCORE! Now, we have to do everything in reverse, without him running out into the store completely naked. My friend, Lil, has perfected putting diapers on her son while he stands...I, however, have not. Therefore, I hope and pray Zachary's diaper will stay on the rest of the time we are out and about; at least on enough to catch the inevitable...

This scene has played out in church, a funeral home, the library, and several other places. I look forward to the time when he is completely trained so it doesn't take 15 minutes to go to the bathroom. I don't understand his obsession with public toilets--I'm a little grossed out by them myself--but, we moms do what we have to do, right? Ahhh, the life of a mom!

Encouraging words, just in time

Mom friends, do you ever wonder if what you are doing is enough? Do you feel--like I do--that some days things just click, and other days, it all falls apart? I've had a couple of less-than-smooth-sailing weeks, and have been fairly hard on myself as a result. Well, in God's perfect timing (as always), the following devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministries landed in my e-mail inbox.

No pictures today, just a word of encouragement and solidarity to all my mom-friends.

Good Mom, Bad Mom, Good Mom
Lysa TerKeurst

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

Devotion:
Good Mom? Bad Mom? Good Mom? Bad Mom? Do you ever feel as though you are the ping-pong ball in a heated match bouncing constantly between feeling like a good mom to a bad mom?

One minute I have a great discussion where my child finally gets it... GOOD MOM!
The next I get an e-mail from a teacher that lists the three parents who have yet to turn in that permission slip and I am on the list for all the world to see... BAD MOM!
I calmly handle the stresses of the morning routine... GOOD MOM!
But then during the afternoon homework session, my child's irresponsibility over a last minute project just about sends me over the edge. I find my neck muscles tensing and my voice rising... BAD MOM!
I make sure they pack something healthy for lunch... GOOD MOM!
The schedule falls apart in the late afternoon and I wind up feeding them sugar cereal for dinner... BAD MOM!
Sometimes I feel like that ping-pong ball mom bouncing from feeling good to bad. Yesterday morning I sat down at the kitchen table after getting everyone where they needed to be and cried. Sometimes having kids is the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. Other days I feel like the task of parenting little people is driving me to the brink of craziness.
Just the other day I was processing some recent family things with my friend, Renee, over the phone. Suddenly a strange theme seemed to arise. I just started laughing. I told Renee that so many of my days seemed to tell the same kind of story... I was on the verge of a breakdown and then I spent time with Jesus and He made things better.
Renee quipped back to me, "Well, isn't that where most of us live every day?"
Not that we are on the edge of a breakdown, but we live in a place of utter dependence on God. I know as a mom, I live in constant need of His love, encouragement, wisdom, perspective, strength, patience, and grace.
Anything I do right as a mom is because of my constant dialogs with God.
Anything I do wrong as a mom is because of trying to do things in my own strength and slap wearing myself out.
That's where grace steps in. And I need lots of grace. God's grace steps in and says, “Lysa, you are doing better than you think. Stop bouncing from feeling good to bad to good to bad. In the good times, rejoice and thank me. In the not so good times, call out to me quickly."
And suddenly it occurred to me; with God I'm never a bad mom. I might be having a bad moment... or two... or seventeen. But a few bad moments do not define me as a bad mom.
God's grace is there to cover me. Teach me. And even in the middle of a bad moment, interrupt me, redirect me, and change me.
Forgiveness is there. Love is there. A second chance is there.
You are a good mom my friend even if, like me, you’ve had a few bad moments... you is the exact mom God knew your children needed. Let's live in that truth today.

Our Staycation

One of our favorite annual events is the Navistar Cantera employee picnic. This year was even more fun because Zachary was really starting to "get" the excitement and all the cool things they offered (inflatables, circus people, BIG TRUCKS, and more!!). Z got to go on his first pony ride, on a pony named Bingo. He got to go in a school bus, which was extreme fun, ride in a MXT, eat all the yummy food...and (almost) skip a nap. By the time we got home, Z was tuckered out from a fun day and more than ready for a good resting. This was a good day to be a mommy, so fun to watch him experience the newness of things that we grown-ups can--and do--take for granted.

We enjoyed our time with friends, and Zachary got to experience this all with his good buddy, Josh (pictured below in the school bus with Z). This is a great fall kick-off for the Self family...many more fall events to come!

There is nothing that pleases Zachary more than being with his daddy and watching school buses drive by--put those two together and he's in heaven!

Mama and her boy waiting for the pony named...

BINGO

Ice cream, and ice cream sandwiches, are a must in our family for any celebration

Hugging the trees--you can take the Mama out of Oregon, but the genes keep going!

First Day of "School"

Zachary is officially in "school"--a Parents Day Out program at a local Lutheran church. His first day was actually Thursday, September 4, but true to form, I'm a week late in posting photos or any information about it. He goes to school once a week--each Thursday--from 8:30 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. A long time for a 2 year-old! But, he absolutely loves it! Two of his playgroup pals, Elsie and Evan, go to the same class, so every day I now hear "Zarachary, Elsie??!!" or "Zarachary, Evaaaaaan??!!" Translated, Zachary wants to see the friend of his choice, as soon as possible, preferably. Since he is two, he had a difficult time standing still for the traditional first day of school photos...so, what I have below is my best effort, among pouring down rain, a blown-out umbrella, and a desire to stay as in-tact as possible for my meeting that I was due to in less than an hour.

Meet Harvey

We made a new friend last weekend, Harvey. The first live preying mantis any of us had ever seen. We watched it on and off all day, and it didn't move from its post on our family room window screen. It was probably the weirdest creature I have ever seen, and it was amazing how much Harvey watched us. Harvey was gone the next morning, and it has been a week since we spent the day with him, but Zachary still asks for Harvey, and looks out the window to find him. Here are a few photos from our home-based adventure.

I can sleep anywhere...

When Adam and I first found out I was pregnant, we felt the weight of raising a decent human being heavy on our shoulders--not to mention the fervent hope that he would one day embrace our faith, be able to put 2 and 2 together to get 4, and tie his own shoes.

We still feel that weight, and the weight of finding the best way to teach him through these stages of life. In turn, Zachary has given us the precious gift of laughter amidst the newfound responsibility. Every day he does something that gives us a chuckle, and many days he offers something that requires outright belly laughs.

Each night we check him in his bed before we turn in. Many times he's kicked off the covers, or scooted into the corner of his bed sleeping with his bottom in the air. Then there have been the times that we've found him without his jammies on...or his diaper. Well, this week we turned a corner. Upon entering his room, we couldn't find him. Where could he have gone without us noticing? So, we looked in the only logical place--underneath his bed. And this is what we found:

He had taken all of his friends under his bed with him and fallen asleep covered by the bedskirt...so we came in to a completely empty bed! Amazingly enough, he didn't wake up even though we took several pictures before moving him. There is always room for laughter, even under the bed.

8 Years

Happy Anniversary, Adam Self! You're still my favorite guy after 8 years of marriage and almost 10 years of knowing each other. In fact, I like you more now than ever. I appreciate that you love me, the whole package, flaws and all. I knew something was different about you on that first date sitting by the firepit while eating dinner at Desert Fire, and afterward hanging out on the Kirkland waterfront. I guess it's a good thing my neighbors wouldn't come with me on that first date after all, huh? Thanks for taking this ride with me, making me laugh, listening when I cry, playing Ginny Owens when I am at the end of my rope, and for "getting" me (much of the time). God sure knew what He was doing when He paired us up. No one else would be able to live with me, I'm sure of it ;). Here are a few of my favorite memories:

Long naps

I remember when I was a kid, I hated naps. I fought them, and remember telling my mom on more than one occasion, "I'm NOT tired!"...only to wake up after a sweet two hour nap. Now, as an adult, I long for naps and average one a month (if I'm lucky).

What I really crave these days is a long naptime for Zachary. I had no idea that a two year old could have so much energy! It takes everything in me to wear him out in the morning enough to get a peaceful two hours to myself in the afternoon. No, I'm not complaining, because I know many moms would give their right eye and left arm for two hours of peace and quiet. I'm just coming to the realization that I didn't know how great it was before it was less and less available. Kind of like the water situation in my last post, but...okay, maybe not.

So, Zachary is taking a longer than normal naptime right now, and I'm reveling in thankfulness. Soon he'll be up asking for "lemonane" and cookies, and our world be be "right-size-up" again. Amazing what a little rest can do.

Waterless

Do you remember the song, "You don't know what you got, till it's gone"? I feel that way today. The great city of Aurora decided to give us little notice that for some unknown reason we would be without water from 6-8 a.m. this morning. It is now 3:20 p.m. and, you guessed it, our water is still not on...well, not properly at least. We have water in some rooms of our house, but the kitchen faucet pretty much just drips. So, without the capability to shower, I feel a little grimy and icky today. It's given us a good chance to catch up on some of that stuff that gets shoved to the back burner until something offers the "opportunity" to take care of it. Of course, there's always more to do than time in which to do it. Oh well...

Summer in Chicago

Ahhh, summer in Chicago. On the days that aren't stifling with humidity, it's so enjoyable! Tonight we (Z and I) took Poppa to pick Adam up at "Dawwy's Station" (translated: Adam's train station), grabbed Subway sandwiches, and headed to Centennial Beach in Naperville. The beach is a converted rock quarry and is one of our favorite places to hang out. We've decided this is a great way to end the week, so will be making it a tradition from now until they kick us out (maybe we won't want to go in December when it's freezing).

I took some pix of Z in the pool with Adam and Poppa, but it'll probably be a miracle if I can figure out how to get those suckers uploaded from my phone. If I can, they will be up soon!

Love Poppa

Don't you love Grandma and Grandpa? The kind you can leave your kid with and know that they are going to have more fun than you could ever dream up? My dad is in town for a couple of weeks, and I have to tell you...after dreaming up the insanity of a garage sale (I don't recommend it), I'm wiped out! Poppa to the rescue! Zachary has had more fun with him in a few days than I think we've had together in months. He loves it when Poppa tickles his "bewwy", reads books to him, and wakes up early (5 a.m.) to start the day right. Hey Poppa, want a grandson for a couple of months? 5 a.m. is just way too early for this one!

For sure, we miss having Grandma around, it makes for a different kind of visit. But, the Grants Pass grandkids get to enjoy her one on one for a change.

Welcome to the 20th Century

Well, welcome to the 20th Century, Selfs! Join us in our new venture into all that technology has to offer. When we moved from Seattle to Chicago (in 2003), blogs were a fairly new phenomenon. And, we were busy with a new life, with no time for new tech (except the stuff that Adam works with, of course). So, here I am, enjoying the blogs of many of my friends, and I think, "I can do that, *I think*".

Here's hoping! Join us for the ride...